My Sister's Birthday

Actually, this post has nothing to do with my sister's birthday. But, I thought it would be a nice title since it really is her birthday. So, Happy Birthday Barbara Jo!!!!! And, Congratulations on your upcoming retirement.

For those of you who do not know my sister, Jo, let me just tell you she is awesome. Actually Jo is my sister-in-law, Brenda's oldest sister. She calls me (not Brenda) everyday, without exception. She recently experienced the homegoing of her husband (April 2009) and has really been a great source of strength, encouragement, and support for us.

Now, about my week. Not much to talk about. My Wednesday appointment with the hospice nurse went very well. My vitals were all good. Weight is 137lbs. which is of little concern since weight loss is expected at this point.

A dear friend went to be with the Lord last week and I had the opportunity to attend his homegoing celebration. (It was good to see people I hadn't seen in some time.) It was a wonderful celebration and I found out much about him that I did not know. He "is" a great guy indeed. I purposely used the verb "is" because although the body dies, the soul lives on. So, my friend Vernon lives on and "is" a great guy and a good friend.

Brenda has been getting familiar with finances and home management . . . now that in itself is a big enough shock to send me to an "early exit". For the past 34+ years, any conversation about home finances and management has sent Brenda into a "lupus flare-up" or great depression. Her idea of budgeting has been buy first and ask forgiveness later :-). Well, not that bad. . . but close.

Brenda is just "growing up" and doing what must be done. She can be fun and funny but when you need something done, she's the one you want on the job.

Looks like Josh's schedule has just gotten very busy. He has a full-time job, a part-time job, and graduate school. That should keep him busy. He's tentatively committed to hanging out with Brenda every Friday night. He stops by to see me everyday and I really appreciate that. If you see him, encourage him and let him know of God's continuing presence, never failing love, and God has a plan and purpose for his life.

Angie, Andy, and Benjamin were here this week-end. It's always good to see them. Didn't spend much time with them. I didn't feel well this morning and they just let me sleep uninterrupted. Hope to see them next weekend if they come back to town.

My aunt, my mother's only living sibling, will be coming down on Wednesday for a short visit. We're really looking forward to her visit. I continue to be very tired and weak. Eating is something that I do more for Brenda than for myself. I just don't have an apetite. I understand this is normal.

So what should be my summary for the week? How about this, "Live each day as if it is your last on earth. It just may be. - Ecclesiastes 3:2 "

Sunday before unoffical Memorial Day

Benny and oldest sister (Willie B. Bishop)

My sister (Willie Bell), nephew (Frankie,) and great niece (Na-Na) from Alabama visited us this weekend. I really enjoyed them.

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Brenda and I have been characterized as the "Dead Sea" and the "Babbling Brook" (guess who is whom). To maintain this journal I need to be more like my "Babbling Brook".


So what should I talk about today?

• 1) What am I feeling?
• 2) What am I thinking?
• 3) What has been happening since the last post?
• 4) What would I like to do that I haven't done?
• 5) Who do I want to see. . . where do I want to go?
• 6) What do I want to eat?

Actually these are questions Brenda poses to stimulate conversation. Must be frustrating for her. My answers are usually,

• 1) Nothing
• 2) Nothing
• 3) Not much
• 4) I don't know
• 5) My sisters and brothers . . . friends, family, . . . ,Panama Canal
• 6) Kentucky Fried Chicken (original) with cole slaw and green beans

My idea of "feelings" has always been that girl-mushy-stuff that guys don't- dwell-on or don't-have-patience. Right? Men are about getting things done. Men are about projects NOT feelings. Right?


OK, my feelings/thoughts have always been goal-oriented/ purpose-drivened. What do I need to get done? What is my strategy? What is the time-frame? What are the tasks? Sounds like a project plan. Hmmmm.

My life has been a process. A process of being transformed into the image that we were created; the image of God (Gen. 1: 26- 27). So in this HUGE process, what are the things that I tried to achieve/ to do in support of this transformation:

1. I tried to increasing love God (with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my mind) and I walk that love out in my everyday actions.
2. I tried to demonstrate my increasing love for my neighbors.
3. I tried to provide adequately for my family; basic creature comforts, love, wisdom, Godly guidance and direction, etc.
4. I tried to love Brenda as Christ loves his Church and to show her how much I love her, everyday.
5. I tried to be a Godly father for Angie and Josh, a Godly husband for Brenda.
6. I tried to be a role model for my children (Angie, Josh, Andy, and Benjamin), nieces, nephews, and young friends.
7. I tried to provide Josh a foundation and example of a "man of integrity", "mighty warrior for the Lord", a "Man whose desire is the Lord".
8. I tried to be a Godly mentor to all the people, especially the young men, God has brought into my life.
9. I tried to be the person my mother, Julie Bell, expected me to be; Godly, family oriented, honest, loyal, of integrity, . . ., keep the family united.
10. Above all else, I have tried to live my life progressively Holy (according to my knowledge of holiness) as God is Holy.

So let me summarize my thoughts and feelings for today, "I hope I have lived my life in such a way that when I see Jesus (whether in the near now or distant future, He will say, 'Well Done, Benny, well done'"


Note: My thoughts with Brenda's encouragement/probing/nagging :-).

Day 1 - Start Here

"You just stand when there's nothing left to do.

You just stand watch the Lord see you through.

After you've done all you can, You just Stand."

D.C.

This is the first day of this online journal. Just as a catch-up for many of you who are reading this, I was diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago. I had experienced symptoms 2 years prior but had been mis-diagnosed because of the rarity of the disease.

I've been asked if I've ever been in remission since being diagnosed. To the best of my knowledge I have not. Although the doctors have been diligent in treating the most troublesome presentation of tumors, the cancer has been slowly spreading throughout my body. At this time, my body is too weak for more radiation or surgery and it isn't tolerating homeopathic approaches. Hopeless? Absolutely NOT. My healing is in view. . .

So about now. Well, I am very, very weak. No appetite but I try to eat anyway. Ensure is really not that bad. Don't feel very much like doing anything. I think my sister, Willie Bell, is coming to visit me soon and I'm really looking forward to that. The Monroe clan, my in-laws, will be up the week of June 7th. I am looking forward to that also.I pray for strength to enjoy each day and more pain-free days.

Today is sunny. Maybe I'll sit out back with Brenda and look at the flowers.