Remembering Dad

Josh's tribute to Dad at the Celebration of Life . . . June 26, 2009
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Incorruptibility, soundness, completeness, sincerity, and honesty are all synonyms for an important word that my dad always emphasized, INTEGRITY. Throughout my dad’s life, he was THE perfect example of a man of integrity. During the last few months of his life, I would go to my parent’s house nearly everyday to see him and my mom. Even after asking, “What time will you be here tomorrow” and saying, “I love you,” he would always finish our conversation by asking, “What’s the word Josh?” And I would reply “INTEGRITY.” He really emphasized the word because he believed that whether one is at work, at home with family and friends, or at church, being a man of integrity in every faucet of life is the key to living a happy successful life here on earth and eternally with God.

I can remember one Sunday, a couple of months ago, my dad wasn’t feeling too good so my mom had to stay home with him and told me to go to church alone. The main part of the message that day was “integrity.” I was thinking the whole time in my head, “This must be a setup.”

I cherish all the memories I have of my dad. That includes trips to Florida every year, when I was young, to see family, go to the beach, and see Mickey Mouse (of course). . . going to Cancun (which I loved so much I had to go back but without parental supervision). . . Hawaii, Germany, France, various cruises, many family reunions (Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Louisiana, Michigan, and Ohio). My dad always would lend a helping hand with the family reunions and even coordinated a couple of them.

I remember our family meetings we had when I was growing up, . . . riding around Peoria with my Dad in his truck. . . stopping off at small convenient stores to get Uncle John’s pork crackling and Zebra Cakes . . . going to all his rental property to help his tenants.

He (Dad) ALWAYS had a truck. He had an old ugly brown one, then a red one with colorful decorative painted splashes on the tailgate. . . that was odd. Thankfully, he finally upgraded to an SUV.

He (Dad) supported me in every activity I wanted to be a part. . . clubs, sports, and various camps. Even during my very brief football career, in grade school one year, he was in charge of the team’s concession stand and the families showed him much appreciation.

He attended nearly every grade school, high school, and college basketball game I ever played. He was supportive, and if I showed interest in something then he was interested too. When he was very ill and tired, he stayed up to watch that extremely hectic Bulls versus Celtics playoff series with me. . . including the triple overtime game that lasted til' about midnight.

I can go on for days with GREAT memories I have of times with my dad. He has been an immense help and inspiration to not only me but, his company, his friends, his family, his church, and his community.

He always put other people before himself. He really enjoyed the gratification he received from helping others. If you were happy then, he was happy. People always tell me that they have never seen him get mad (upset).

He has taught me everything I need to know and has prepared me the best any dad could to succeed in life and to live a life of INTEGRITY. He was a great father, a wise mentor, a strong hero, and a remarkable friend.

He will truly be missed AND I will always love him.

Josh

Services for Benny J. Moten

Benny J. Moten, 57, of Dunlap passed away on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 6:01 pm at his home surrounded by his family and friends.

A funeral service will be held on Friday, June 26, 2009 at 12:00 pm at Northwood's Community Church in Dunlap. A visitation will be held on Thursday, June 25, 2009 from 5 to 7 pm at Woolsey-Wilton Funeral Home and one hour prior to the service at the church. The Rev. Cal Rychener will officiate. Burial will follow the service at Resurrection Cemetery in Peoria.

Memorials may be made to Gideon's International or to Northwood's Community Church. Online tributes and condolences may be submitted to ww.mem.com.

Benny's obituary will appear in Thursday's Peoria Journal Star (www.pjstar.com).

Moments to remember

Today Benny is in a coma. He has been non responsive for the last 48 hours. We do our best to keep him comfortable while maintaining his dignity.

The hospice nurse came by this morning. She said (as best as I can recall), "Although, Benny appears to us to be in a restful sleep, he is engaged in some very important work . . . spiritual work . . . work required for his journey into the presence of the Lord . . . to move into eternity. His hearing is intensified in this state . . . we need to keep his environment as free from distraction and noise as possible." She has suggested that only immediate family visit with him.

We encourage you to please continue to comment on this blog. We read them to Benny and know that he hears them and is comforted by your comments.

It occurs to me that this is likely the last Father's Day, on earth, Angie and Josh will spend with their father? How will they remember this day?

I'm sure they will remember our "Sunday Dinner" with family and friends. I'm sure they will remember the team-cooking of Aunt Monica and Ms. Georgia. I'm sure they'll remember the crazy stories told by Uncle Jesse. I'm sure they'll remember Andy's disgust (actually everyone's) disgust for the smell and taste of chit'lings. (Josh wanted them but he was even disgusted with the smell and the taste that I'm sure he'll never ask for them again.) I'm sure they'll remember the giggles of Aunt Mary and the snickers of Aunt Barbara.

But, how will they remember their dad on this day? When they reflect on Father's Day 2009 . . . what memories of their father will this day hold?

"Back when I was a child

Before life removed all the innocence

My father would lift me high

And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep

Then up the stairs he would carry me

And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance

Another walk, another dance with him

I'd play a song that would never, ever end

How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again"

Luther Vandroos - Dance with my Father Again

Stored Treasures in Heaven - Eternal Investment

As I sit with Benny and reflect upon our time together, I realize his entire life has been about storing for himself treasure in heaven.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also - Matthew 6:19."

After 15 years , most of our appliances need to be replaced, . . .,the cabinets are falling apart, . . . , the cover on the light in the shower fell and broke - with that strange Peoria earthquake we had about a year ago - and we haven't replaced it, . . ., we can't get the exhaust pipe off Josh's car because of the rust, . . . , there are cracks in the plaster due to settling, . . ., and we are constantly testing the home security system so that it notifies us should someone try to break in and steal our "stuff'/earthly treasure. The thick and thirsty towels we bought years ago have long lost their thirst; and the plush supple leather sofa we bought (because it was going to last forever . . . well that 15 year old leather sofa is still with us BUT, though leather gets better with age, it doesn't necessarily look better) just looks like an old-worn-out sofa.

It is true, all of Benny's earthly "stuff" (earthly treasure) is rusting, wearing out, breaking down, and just looking ugly. Even his earthly body is
wearing out, breaking down, and shutting down. But those treasures that he has stored in heaven are kept safe and secure by the Master Keeper. The heavenly treasure are those selfless works of service, compassionate acts of love, steadfast loyalty to friends and family, and uncompromising commitment to God.

Benny's voice is very low now, he can't keep his eyes open and struggles to swallow. . . his body is shutting down. He remains conscious and recognizes faces. The nurse says his hearing will be the last to leave so we spend a lot of time talking to him. He especially likes to hear the comments from this blog.

We appreciate your continuous love, prayers, and support during these times and are very much encouraged by your comments. We've even learned some things about Benny from several of the comments. If you want to tell Benny how he has affected your life (treasure stored in heaven), use this blog to do so. We'll read it to him. To paraphrase a poet . . .

"Give Benny his flowers

(kind words,

reflections on what he has meant to you,

favorite moments shared. . .)

while he still lives so that he can see (hear) the beauty that they bring. . .

just one tulip right now

than a truck load of roses when he is dead."

Benjamin and Benny ..................Georgia and Benny

Forward this blog as you feel appropriate.

Brenda

Take time to be grateful

Looks like I'll (Brenda) be the blogger for Benny for a while. He remains in good spirit but is extremely weak, and, at times, a bit incoherent. (This morning he was concerned that he was going to be late for a meeting at work. He said he wasn't prepared and didn't remember what the meeting was about. . . . O'kay I've had those strange moments when I was awakened. . . . maybe that is not out of the ordinary :-) ).

Benny and I (Brenda) spend a lot of time talking and reflecting. The most important topic we have discussed this week is this "Is there any unfinished business." And I (Brenda) love his (Benny's) response. . . and this is parphased to the best of my recollection. . .

"Brenda, I think I have made amends with whoever I needed to years ago. I pray I have put into place the supports you (Brenda) need. Angie and Andy will figure it out as they go along and if they can't Larry and Becky will help them along. I have put Josh in God's hands and God has never failed me. Josh knows that you (Brenda) love him and trust you (Brenda) above all others. So. . . I guess I have no unfinished business. That said, I want to be sure before I leave this world that Josh has 'figured it out', . . . 'know who he is' . . . and has strong, reliable, and loving support to be available to him as a loyal and wise friend, mentor, and guide'. I know how hard it is to not have a father figure to really understand you (Benny) and to help you (Benny) to manuver life as an adult. I pray God provides that person for Josh. I want to know and be assured of that Josh has this before I leave this life. But if that doesn't happen before I leave, I know God will provide."

I am so grateful that Benny's Aunt Ronnie Jean and cousins Pat, Sally, and Tina visited us last week. Also his childhood friends Cora, Arthur, and Ivory along with their mother Mattie visited us.

God continues to bless us. Friends from church (Susan, Dave, Bobbie, Chris, and Kate) stopped by to pray for and with us tonight.

So what is Benny's status?

Benny continues to lose weight (121 lbs currently). . . he is lucid most of the time. . . he struggles to swallow at times. . . he seems to be severing times with all that is earthly. . . he continues to be in good spirit.. . AND, he continues to be 'quite the gentleman'.

Benny will forever be the love of Brenda's life. Now that's a yea God!!!!

My Sister's Birthday

Actually, this post has nothing to do with my sister's birthday. But, I thought it would be a nice title since it really is her birthday. So, Happy Birthday Barbara Jo!!!!! And, Congratulations on your upcoming retirement.

For those of you who do not know my sister, Jo, let me just tell you she is awesome. Actually Jo is my sister-in-law, Brenda's oldest sister. She calls me (not Brenda) everyday, without exception. She recently experienced the homegoing of her husband (April 2009) and has really been a great source of strength, encouragement, and support for us.

Now, about my week. Not much to talk about. My Wednesday appointment with the hospice nurse went very well. My vitals were all good. Weight is 137lbs. which is of little concern since weight loss is expected at this point.

A dear friend went to be with the Lord last week and I had the opportunity to attend his homegoing celebration. (It was good to see people I hadn't seen in some time.) It was a wonderful celebration and I found out much about him that I did not know. He "is" a great guy indeed. I purposely used the verb "is" because although the body dies, the soul lives on. So, my friend Vernon lives on and "is" a great guy and a good friend.

Brenda has been getting familiar with finances and home management . . . now that in itself is a big enough shock to send me to an "early exit". For the past 34+ years, any conversation about home finances and management has sent Brenda into a "lupus flare-up" or great depression. Her idea of budgeting has been buy first and ask forgiveness later :-). Well, not that bad. . . but close.

Brenda is just "growing up" and doing what must be done. She can be fun and funny but when you need something done, she's the one you want on the job.

Looks like Josh's schedule has just gotten very busy. He has a full-time job, a part-time job, and graduate school. That should keep him busy. He's tentatively committed to hanging out with Brenda every Friday night. He stops by to see me everyday and I really appreciate that. If you see him, encourage him and let him know of God's continuing presence, never failing love, and God has a plan and purpose for his life.

Angie, Andy, and Benjamin were here this week-end. It's always good to see them. Didn't spend much time with them. I didn't feel well this morning and they just let me sleep uninterrupted. Hope to see them next weekend if they come back to town.

My aunt, my mother's only living sibling, will be coming down on Wednesday for a short visit. We're really looking forward to her visit. I continue to be very tired and weak. Eating is something that I do more for Brenda than for myself. I just don't have an apetite. I understand this is normal.

So what should be my summary for the week? How about this, "Live each day as if it is your last on earth. It just may be. - Ecclesiastes 3:2 "

Sunday before unoffical Memorial Day

Benny and oldest sister (Willie B. Bishop)

My sister (Willie Bell), nephew (Frankie,) and great niece (Na-Na) from Alabama visited us this weekend. I really enjoyed them.

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Brenda and I have been characterized as the "Dead Sea" and the "Babbling Brook" (guess who is whom). To maintain this journal I need to be more like my "Babbling Brook".


So what should I talk about today?

• 1) What am I feeling?
• 2) What am I thinking?
• 3) What has been happening since the last post?
• 4) What would I like to do that I haven't done?
• 5) Who do I want to see. . . where do I want to go?
• 6) What do I want to eat?

Actually these are questions Brenda poses to stimulate conversation. Must be frustrating for her. My answers are usually,

• 1) Nothing
• 2) Nothing
• 3) Not much
• 4) I don't know
• 5) My sisters and brothers . . . friends, family, . . . ,Panama Canal
• 6) Kentucky Fried Chicken (original) with cole slaw and green beans

My idea of "feelings" has always been that girl-mushy-stuff that guys don't- dwell-on or don't-have-patience. Right? Men are about getting things done. Men are about projects NOT feelings. Right?


OK, my feelings/thoughts have always been goal-oriented/ purpose-drivened. What do I need to get done? What is my strategy? What is the time-frame? What are the tasks? Sounds like a project plan. Hmmmm.

My life has been a process. A process of being transformed into the image that we were created; the image of God (Gen. 1: 26- 27). So in this HUGE process, what are the things that I tried to achieve/ to do in support of this transformation:

1. I tried to increasing love God (with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my mind) and I walk that love out in my everyday actions.
2. I tried to demonstrate my increasing love for my neighbors.
3. I tried to provide adequately for my family; basic creature comforts, love, wisdom, Godly guidance and direction, etc.
4. I tried to love Brenda as Christ loves his Church and to show her how much I love her, everyday.
5. I tried to be a Godly father for Angie and Josh, a Godly husband for Brenda.
6. I tried to be a role model for my children (Angie, Josh, Andy, and Benjamin), nieces, nephews, and young friends.
7. I tried to provide Josh a foundation and example of a "man of integrity", "mighty warrior for the Lord", a "Man whose desire is the Lord".
8. I tried to be a Godly mentor to all the people, especially the young men, God has brought into my life.
9. I tried to be the person my mother, Julie Bell, expected me to be; Godly, family oriented, honest, loyal, of integrity, . . ., keep the family united.
10. Above all else, I have tried to live my life progressively Holy (according to my knowledge of holiness) as God is Holy.

So let me summarize my thoughts and feelings for today, "I hope I have lived my life in such a way that when I see Jesus (whether in the near now or distant future, He will say, 'Well Done, Benny, well done'"


Note: My thoughts with Brenda's encouragement/probing/nagging :-).

Day 1 - Start Here

"You just stand when there's nothing left to do.

You just stand watch the Lord see you through.

After you've done all you can, You just Stand."

D.C.

This is the first day of this online journal. Just as a catch-up for many of you who are reading this, I was diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago. I had experienced symptoms 2 years prior but had been mis-diagnosed because of the rarity of the disease.

I've been asked if I've ever been in remission since being diagnosed. To the best of my knowledge I have not. Although the doctors have been diligent in treating the most troublesome presentation of tumors, the cancer has been slowly spreading throughout my body. At this time, my body is too weak for more radiation or surgery and it isn't tolerating homeopathic approaches. Hopeless? Absolutely NOT. My healing is in view. . .

So about now. Well, I am very, very weak. No appetite but I try to eat anyway. Ensure is really not that bad. Don't feel very much like doing anything. I think my sister, Willie Bell, is coming to visit me soon and I'm really looking forward to that. The Monroe clan, my in-laws, will be up the week of June 7th. I am looking forward to that also.I pray for strength to enjoy each day and more pain-free days.

Today is sunny. Maybe I'll sit out back with Brenda and look at the flowers.